ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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