alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
