hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
