Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
