Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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