I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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