I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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