Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Houston, we have a blender
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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