make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
