evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize
