im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
