If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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