you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
