Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
