I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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