This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
