the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
This baby is an asshole
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
