How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
