Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
