Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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