this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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