So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
