guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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