Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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