Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
