Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
