Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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