And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
