He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
