He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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