it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
