i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
