What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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