Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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