The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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