So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Randomize
