I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
whose parrot is this?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
