I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
