Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
