What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
