another moral hangover. fuck.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
