I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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