3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
