you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
