She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I understand Curling. That high.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
