then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
