the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
