I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
