I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
They have beer where we have blood.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize