I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
