he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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