Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
