I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
This is my gift to your gina
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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