Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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