tell your sister to shave her snatch
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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