I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
