found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
