I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Someone shattered a urinal.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
