You smell like a Billy Joel song
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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