i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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