there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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