Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
