I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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