We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
