She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
